Freckle Eye Fancy

Part of me wanted to call this post "dat waterproof mascara lyfe," but I decided that sometimes it's okay to not put up a front about things. I've realized over the past couple weeks that more and more I pretend I'm okay when I'm not, and I think that's largely due to the fact that more people are reading everything I write. It's easy for me to write how I'm actually feeling when I don't think about the audience, but I think I worry that no one will care to read if (most) every single post I write is deep and emotional. If you still care to read, then truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. About thirteen months ago, I wrote a post on my old blog called The waterproof mascara days . I wrote it the day before we moved to Salt Lake, and I remember the three weeks prior to that day had been so hard, living by myself while Brandon started his new job, packing up our house alone, and saying goodbye to a house, job, and town that I loved so...

It has been four months today. This is just going to be a quick little catch up. Things have been so busy at work lately that by the time we get home and go to the gym and have dinner, we're wiped out and basically just sit and do nothing haha. I need to get better! I want to either continue working on one of these two novels I've started, or get going on a new one, but some days, between everything going on emotionally and physically, I just don't have it in me. We kicked off birthday week by going to have cupcakes with Carter at the cemetery. It was freezing, and snowing decently too, but the one thing I knew I wanted to do for my birthday was to go up and have a cupcake with my little man, so we did! We cleaned up the flowers that were there from a couple weeks ago, but had to dig them out from under the snow. Logan has been pounded with snow this year. I feel like every time we go up there is fresh snow on the ground; it's crazy. After hanging out with Carter for...

Our hearts have been a little more tender this past week, and even though I know you will be, I'm asking that you be soft with us in response to this post.  After we lost Carter, we made the decision to have an autopsy performed. At that point, we were clinging to anything and everything we could to figure out why we had lost him. About a week later, our doctor called us with the preliminary findings. Carter has some skeletal abnormalities-bell shaped ribs and a cervical rib-and multiple spleens. Realistically, babies survive with all those abnormalities. Some may live with a disability, others may be totally fine. They also noted that my placenta was small, but the doctor showed no concern about that. It would explain why he was small, but wouldn't have explained why we lost him. The doctor was also confident that these abnormalities weren't indicative of any syndrome. The anomalies do present themselves in a syndrome, but these three together did not mean he had any sy...

Time is a weird thing. Days can drag on and on and on, but suddenly, the week, month, or even year is over.  Brandon hit his year mark at work about a month ago. This is the longest he has been at a job since Campsaver, and I think it's safe to say that he'll be with this company for a while! He loves his job, and I can't tell you how happy it makes me to see him feel so accomplished at the end of each day. My year mark (with a small interruption) with the school district I work for was on February 1st, and I'm glad I was able to find a job with this district again. They are good people. A year ago from Sunday we moved into our house! A year ago from Monday, we had the help of some friends of an uncle moving our fridge, dresser, and washer and dryer all the way upstairs, and I was trying to figure out how to organize our kitchen (why is it always the hardest thing??) I remember just trying to hurry and get things done so we could hang out before Brandon went to Calif...

I know, I know, Valentine's Day is kind of overrated. But I'm a girl, and more specifically, a girl that likes flower and chocolate, so we choose to participate. Brandon surprised me last night with roses, bubble bath, bath bombs, and a box of milk duds. All my favorite things! Tonight we are going to see Lego Batman and will likely eat the entire bucket of popcorn. The only thing that would make this holiday even better would be Costa Vida, but I think we'll save that for this weekend. Spread out the love celebration. We're celebrating this year with a new valentine in our lives. It's hard to not have Carter here, but we're making the most of each holiday with him the best we can. On the first Saturday of the month, we drove up to Logan to make freezer meals with our brother and sister-in-law (I can do a post of those recipes, if anyone is interested!). Before heading to their house, we went to see our boy, and decorated his grave with some Valentine's t...

Honestly I'm just really sorry about the title. Sometimes I think I'm way funnier than I actually am. My family came down to visit this past weekend! My parents, brothers, and their respective ladies all made the drive down just to spend time with us! It was so nice to have everyone here, especially since half of them hadn't been down before. It's also just really nice that we have the room for everyone. But anyway. Friday was my dad's birthday, so we took him to the new Godfather's in South Jordan. He used to work at Godfather's in Idaho Falls, and it is his favorite pizza place, so we was stoked to hear one was opening down here. The pizza was sooo good. Brandon and I can't stop talking about the Chicken Bacon Ranch, and I have a feeling we'll be going back pretty soon. The best part was that the staff came and sang Happy Birthday, even though they don't technically do anything for birthdays. My brother asked, and they just agreed because th...

I know I've said it before, but it is so strange to be counting up, when I was counting down for so long. I remember when we had 15 weeks left until our due date. We had just gotten home from our vacation to DC and New York, and were in the thick of setting up the nursery and preparing for our little guy to arrive. I don't even remember what it was like to be 15 weeks pregnant. I didn't feel  pregnant yet, but I know we were so excited. And now, we're fifteen weeks out, and it's just so weird. When people ask how I'm doing, my usual answer is "fine. some days are harder than others." And I realized about two minutes ago that that's a total lie. Not that I'm not fine, because I am. Not good, not bad, just fine. I worked with someone once who told me that "fine" is the worst F word you can say, because it's vague and always a lie. And though me saying I'm fine is sometimes a lie, the real lie I tell is that some days are hard...

Six weeks before Brandon and I got married, we went to Disney World with my family. Disney was a big part of my life growing up, and I had been to Disney World twice before (not to mention the many trips to Disneyland), but it was so much fun bringing Brandon into that world-figuratively and literally. Anyway, while we were there, Brandon said to me "let's do a Disney vacation every year. To the land, or the world, or another park, or a cruise, or Aulani, or Adventures by Disney-doesn't matter. But let's do it." He might regret that eventually, but we have held to it!  Over our many trips, we have started a few different traditions of things we do/buy. We buy an ornament for us and now one for Carter, occasionally a puzzle, the traditional picture in front of the castle, a mickey ice cream, a mickey pretzel, and a caramel apple (so most of our traditions involve food, sue me).  My favorite tradition is the caramel apple. That sounds so weird and random, and it ...