Freckle Eye Fancy

I am a little behind this week with my list! Brandon and I have been busy enjoying each other's company, so blogging has taken a backseat! Last week's list asked for things that made me happy as a child. The things I could remember were things like dancing, reading, singing, going to movies, hanging out with friends, and a few others. I feel like the reason I could remember those specific things is probably because they still make me happy today! The list challenged me to pick one of those things and do it, but those are things I still do anyway! Being a grown up is pretty lame sometimes, so I don't think there's any harm in child like innocence and fun. Which is why we go to Disneyland so often. Life is stressful, so we might as well do things we enjoy when we have the time.  This week's prompt asks for a list of people who make me happy. See you next time! <div class=" summary-block-wrapper summary-block-collection-type-blog summary-block-setting...

March 27, 2018 Hi little man! This week has been pretty fun with you! You have been moving a ton, all throughout the day! I get to wake up to you moving, and then you go crazy right before we fall asleep at night. It’s so much fun! We had an appointment yesterday with the doctor, and then had an ultrasound this morning. The appointment was really, really good. We talked a lot about the things we will be watching for to make sure you are still growing, and came up with a plan for appointments from here on out. Starting now, we will see the doctor every two weeks, and we’ll do an ultrasound every month to check your growth and make sure you are still on track. Today’s was the first ultrasound we’ve had since the anatomy scan where they measured you, and you were right where you are supposed to be! You were being pretty stubborn though. We just wanted to see your face!! You were super wiggly too still, which is not surprising. We love it, though! Other than the appointments, this week ...

I was working on my prompt for this week's 52 List (roadblocks to my happiness), and it made me pause and think about a question that we received during our live stream on Sunday. Someone asked if we ever get annoyed with the daily ins and outs of reliving our grief. I wasn't sure exactly what they meant by their question, because I was afraid they were asking it like "do you ever get annoyed of you like we do?" But I thought it was a pretty great question to ask, so I answered it anyway.  I do get annoyed of my grief. Quite frequently, actually. I don't ever get annoyed of missing our babies, but there are other factors in my grief besides sadness that drive me crazy. When I blame my grief for certain things, I often wonder if people think I'm using it as an excuse. And then maybe they think "when the heck is she going to get over it and move on??" I want to tell you here that, even though we miss our babies every single day, we actually have so ...

March 20, 2018 Little Hudson! Another week has gone by and you are getting bigger and stronger!! I can’t believe we are 24 weeks today. It has been really fun to look back at pictures from when I was this pregnant with Carter, because I was finally starting to show, and we started documenting it more. I love putting the pictures side by side. My two boys. I just love it. I’m currently wearing maternity jeans and a maternity top, and I feel very cute, comfortable, and pregnant. I feel less inclined to hide my belly now that it looks more like a pregnant belly instead of just a food baby! This last week has been so much fun with you. You have been so wiggly, and seem to have moved up a little more, which makes it easier for dad to feel you. The other day we were at a movie, and you wiggled pretty hard for about half an hour! You did it the other night at home too. It’s so fun, and it’s awesome that your dad has been able to feel you so much! I even caught a little bit of movement on c...

Last week's list asked for the ways I feel lucky. I could bore you with my list, but I won't. All you need to know is that it was quite a long list, and it wasn't a difficult list to make. For all the crappy things that have happened in the last year and a half, there are still so many good things in my life. So many beautiful things.  Even though we have lost three babies, we are still able to get pregnant. We've been blessed with four pregnancies, and three, beautiful babies that we've been able to name. We've been through some super hard moments in our grief, but we've been surrounded and supported by an extremely loving community (in addition to our family and friends). In my worst moments, when everything feels like it's falling apart and there's no reason to keep living, I have to remember that there are a lot of reasons to keep going. I've been given a difficult hand, but the good things are always there to help me see the light. This w...

March 13, 2018 Hi cute guy!! This last week has been pretty uneventful, which we like! And looking back, it seems like that has been your pattern for the past few weeks haha. Dad and I bought you a bunch of new clothes last week, and have also spent a lot of time trying to figure out what we’re going to do with the nursery. I’ve been in super nesting mode, and it has been hard to try and figure out what to do with all the energy! When I was this pregnant with Carter, we were in DC, and when we came home, the nursery furniture arrived and we got to put it together. But this time, the furniture is already put together, so what the heck else am I supposed to do??? Your dad and I have decided to wait another month and a half to redecorate the nursery, so I don’t want to do that yet, and I feel like it’s too soon to rewash all the clothes. I’m just so ready for you to get here. I went and got the prenatal massage that your dad gave me for Valentine’s Day last night! It was so awesome. It...

Last week's list asked me to keep track of the little things that brought me happiness. I don't do a lot each day, so sometimes it feels like there's not really anything that specifically makes me happy, but I've found joy in little things. Like watching the cats run around and play with each other. And having a nice clean house at the end of a productive day. In order to keep myself from going crazy, I've had to find happiness in whatever I can. Between not working and just focusing on being pregnant, it's easy to be stressed about everything instead of just happy. But It's a good thing to work on! This week the prompt is to list the ways that I feel lucky. I have a feeling this list won't be too hard to do! READ MORE <div class=" summary-block-wrapper summary-block-collection-type-blog summary-block-setting-text-size-small summary-block-setting-text-align-center summary-block-setting-design-autogrid summary-block-setting-des...

I wrote a post last year (well, numerous posts) about how I was terrified of the day that people no longer remembered Carter. Many months and two additional losses later, I had so much more to be afraid of. But now, it seems that day has finally come. One of the hardest things about life after loss is watching everyone else move forward with no recognition that life for us has stopped. Everyone keeps going, and I can't blame them. Their world hasn't come to an end quite like ours has. As loss parents, you get held in people's hearts for quite some time. Every action, every interaction, is laced with thoughts of you and the one you lost, and you get the occasional text or card that says they are thinking about you. Eventually, the texts and cards stop, but you know they still remember. At some point though, life goes on. Comments get made, too many things are left unsaid, and it seems that the world has stopped remembering. Or even worse, that they stopped caring. They d...

March 6, 2018 Hi little guy! This last week has been pretty uneventful with you. And honestly, uneventful is good! You’ve been moving like crazy, but I wish you would move even more! We got to take you up to visit your siblings on my birthday, which was really nice. Having the three of you there together fills my mommy heart. I can’t wait until the weather is warmer and we can spend more time up there. This last week you’ve been asking for a lot of protein and potatoes, which is random. Carter always liked potatoes too, but he liked fries, hasbrowns, and tater tots. You just want chunks of potatoes! I tried a new recipe last night with potatoes, chicken, and ranch seasoning, and it was actually really good, but you LOVED it! You moved like crazy after! We got to meet your new little cousin over the weekend too. I can’t wait for you to be here so you can hang out with all your built-in friends. I wish Carter could be here for it too. I’ve really been missing your brother lately. I am...

Last week's list asked for things I like to do that don't involve technology. Because I don't work, it is really easy to sit on the couch and watch tv or play on my phone all day. I actually get really tired of it most days, but I get so bored that I can't force myself to do anything else. There are a lot of things I like to do that don't involve my phone or the tv though. I like to read, write, play with the kitties, go for walks, clean, and a few other things that would allow me a break from technology. I try really hard to take a break from technology every day, even if that just means going for a walk and leaving my phone at home.  What are some things you like to do that don't involve technology? This week's list asks for little things that happen during the day that make me happy. See you next time!