Freckle Eye Fancy

  I know what you're thinking. Didn't they just go in January? Don't those people go to Disney enough? To answer your questions: yes, and no. Definitely no to the second one. We go a lot, but did you see the article about the guy who has gone every day for like the last 2,000 days? That would be the life. I don't consider myself an expert by any means, but Brandon and I have done Disney enough times that we have the packing part down. We haven't done Disney in the summer for a few years now, and I was really excited to be able to pack summer clothes! It's supposed to be 86-88 degrees the whole time we are there, so it will be perfect. There are so many different ways to do Disney, and packing will ultimately come down to your preferences. We prefer to kind of go all out, as you can see in the pictures below, but it doesn't have to be that way! Here is a rough list to get you started.   Matching shirts. Okay, not really a requirement, but mostly ...

Last week without a bump picture, I swear. April 7, 2017 Hi babe! We are sitting in the airport waiting for our delayed flight to leave. I just wanted to tell you I love you, and that you better stay safe while we're gone. I love you very very much!   April 14, 2017 Hi bean! We are on our way from Luxembourg to Amsterdam, and have had the best time here! I wish you and Carter were actually just here with us to play in the tulip fields and see the castles, but I guess this is the best we can do! Sleep has been hard to come by this week, so I'm sorry if you're worn out in there too. But you're continuing to make me feel sick sometimes, so I think you're doing pretty well in there. The nurse emailed me back finally and said we don't have to change my due date, but I still don't know if that means we are nine or ten weeks. I guess we'll find out more on Tuesday. We love you, little bean. I can't wait to see you on Wednesday and get a definite idea of ...

This weekend was definitely a good one. My parents got to our house around six on Friday, and after catching up for a bit, we went to Godfather's for dinner. My dad used to work at Godfather's in Idaho Falls when he was younger, and has always loved their pizza, so I'm pretty sure we'll end up there whenever they are in town. And it's so  good! After dinner, we wandered around The Container Store to make a little room in our stomach for dessert. The Container Store though...seriously I could buy almost everything in that place. It makes my organization senses tingle and I love it. We went to The Baked Bear for dessert, and Brandon let me choose our combination which meant dark chocolate ice cream and sprinkles!! It was a very good day. Saturday morning we woke up and drove around to look at cars and houses. We weren't really shopping, but it's just fun to look. We wandered through a few model homes and dreamed of what life could be like. That afternoon, t...

After we lost Carter, I had to wait a little while before I started working out again. Between the physical pain, thyroid problems, and the emotional pain, I just was in no shape to start working out right away. Toward the end of December, we got gym memberships, and it helped me in so many ways. It gave me a place to work out my anger, and it allowed me to feel accomplished at just one thing in my life, since I wasn't working, and I wasn't being a mother in the traditional sense. And even once I started working, I still pushed myself and Brandon to go, because I could feel that it was helping me emotionally too. When we found out I was pregnant, I  made a really good effort to go to the gym for the first few weeks. I'd walk on the treadmill (hats off to pregnant ladies who run, that crap's hard) and do a few of the machines with just light weight. Surprisingly, I found that I really missed working out hard. It felt pretty pointless to lift ten to fifteen pounds, eve...

No belly picture again. We really slacked those two weeks. April 3, 2017 Hi little bean!  This past week has been something else, I’ll tell you what. Last week on Wednesday, we had our third ultrasound! I was really looking forward to seeing you, but I was also nervous about what was going to happen. I’ve probably said it before, but at our first ultrasound, you measured at six weeks, then at our second ultrasound, you measured at six weeks again. I didn’t like that very much, because no growth is bad. No growth is very very bad, and I don’t want to lose you. But at the ultrasound last week, you measured seven weeks and one day! Which is great; it means you grew in that week, which means you are healthy! The tech gave us a due date of November 14th, and I have to be honest, we left the appointment and I cried. I cried because if you are actually due on November 14th, that means when we get induced at 37 weeks, you would be born just a few days before Carter’s birthday, and I don...

This past weekend was one of like three weekends this summer where we didn't have any major plans, and it was so nice! Friday night, we went on a bike ride, then got sno cones after. We got bikes last summer and weren't able to ride them very much since I was pregnant (and we were gone most of the summer anyway), so it has been nice to use them a bit more this year. Saturday morning we slept in, then drove up to Logan to put everything back on Carter's headstone. We hung out with the babies for a bit, then went to Summerfest and wandered around all the booths after getting some lunch.  Yesterday we (okay, mostly me) slept in again; I was having some intense allergies that I'm assuming were from the bike ride Friday night, and I could not bring myself to get out of bed. Thankfully, Brandon was super patient, and laid with me until I was finally ready to get up. We went to Cabela's, then to Walmart, then went back home to just hang out, and ended up taking a two ho...

After we lost Carter, I looked at a lot of articles on what not to say to a grieving parent so that I would know what kind of things to anticipate hearing. People say things with the best intentions, but even now, after losing baby #2 and hearing all these things yet again, they still hurt. If you've lost a baby (or anyone in your life, really), you know the things that hurt: everything happens for a reason, God needed another angel, you're young and can have more babies, you can always adopt, it's for the best...there are too many to count. If you are someone that has said one of these things, don't kick yourself; it's hard to find the "right" thing to say. Rather than tell you what not to say, here are some pointers that might help when you're trying to find the right words.  Talk to them about their child . Nothing hurts more than being avoided by family or friends because they don't know what to say. Just because we lost someone doesn't ...

Today I would have been 19 weeks pregnant, a just a few days past halfway (for this and all future pregnancies). Time goes so fast. Also, we apparently didn't take a belly picture that week, oops. March 27, 2017 Hi little bean! I just wanted to check in and see how you are doing. I’ve been feeling really grateful for all the pregnancy symptoms you are giving me. I am still a little nervous about being in the first trimester, but to be feeling all the things I’m feeling reassures me that you are growing healthy and strong in there! Still though, I’m looking forward to our ultrasound on Wednesday so we can see you again, and have more confirmation that you are looking good! Today I had a smoothie and a (costa vida) salad just for you. I’m trying to get you all the nutrients you need, but I know I’m not doing a very good job, so I’m sorry. We went to Idaho Falls this weekend to visit with family. It was fun, but all these hormones I have in me right now are making me super grumpy! ...

I wrote this post back in February, and wasn't sure if I should post it. If you've never seen the office, you might not appreciate it, but I needed a good laugh today, so here it is.   If you have never watched The Office, stop reading this immediately and come back when you have finished all 201 episodes. Done? Very good. The other day I was having a hard time, you know, the usual, and all of a sudden a super inappropriate metaphor popped into my head. The episode where Kevin runs over the turtle was all I could think about, and I honestly couldn't help but laugh. I just thought to myself, "I am the turtle, and I am also Kevin." In case you didn't actually watch it, here's a recap: Kevin runs over a turtle, tries to glue his shell back together, then accidentally breaks the shell again when reaching for the glue. I'm like Kevin, just sweet spirited and filled with good intentions, but I can't quite get it right. And as for me being the turtle.....

I've had a lot of time and opportunity lately to think about how unfair it is that we had to lose not just one, but two babies. I sit and wonder what I've done wrong in this life to deserve such pain, and honestly, I can't really think of anything. I've made just as many mistakes as the next person, but nothing so wrong to deserve this. I think about all the crappy people in the world who don't deserve children. Parents that abuse their children. Neglect them. Lock them in closets or car trunks. Parents that sell their children for things no person should be sold for. Parents that yell at their children on a daily basis, that use cruel, obscene words at home or in public, and make their child feel like less than they are. There are also good people that simply don't have the means to provide for their children, no matter how much they wish they could. But I wouldn't abuse our children, and we have the means to provide, so why us? How the hell is this fair...

Today I would have been 18 weeks pregnant. Three more days and we would have been halfway through this pregnancy. March 23, 2017 Hi baby bean! We got to see you again yesterday at our doctor’s appointment! They didn’t realize that we’d had an ultrasound last week, and they wanted to measure you. It was a super quick ultrasound, but you measured at six weeks again. I’m sure everything is fine, but I’m not going to lie to you, I’m nervous. I haven’t said anything to your dad, because the doctor said he would have measured you a little bigger than the tech did, but still. We’ll go back in for another ultrasound on Wednesday next week and make sure that you are still growing like you should be. And once we get that ultrasound done, I’m hoping maybe we can get another one when we go back for our next appointment. I just want to see you all the time and check your health! Plus, it makes my day just to see you. There hasn’t been much going on around here. We told all your grandparents abou...

I have a few other posts drafted, but none of them really feel right for today. This one's going to be just kind of a life update. I feel like I just need to ramble today! Things have been kind of rough since we spread our little bean's ashes. I remember feeling the same way after we buried Carter; it's kind of just like the finality of it all hits and makes life a little harder. We've been doing a lot of nothing, not going anywhere, not interacting with people, and honestly I think we're just trying to stay sane and un-angered at this point in time. We've talked a lot this past week about how we don't really have a lot of patience right now, so home seems like the safest place for us haha. When we do go out, it's just to Costa to get dinner, or to the movies, where we can go and not talk to anyone. We've always been pretty anti-social, but it's kind of at an all time high right now!  After we lost Carter, we were okay staying home because it ...